Hey Diddle Diddle?
The Cat and The Fiddle?
The cow jumped over the moon?
What kind of nonsense is that?
I’m lucky if I can jump off the ground!
What’s with these crazy expectations of me?
Jumping over the moon…
I wouldn’t, I couldn’t, and I can’t.
I won’t, I don’t, and I shan’t.
I will sit here at ease and do as I please
Until some sense comes back to your head
And you ask something else of me instead.
Jumping over the moon…
You must be a loon
To expect that of me.
Why, I can’t even climb a tree!
Oh how I tire of all this odd desire
That on me you lay and expect me to obey.
I am a cow, not a cat.
I don’t jump or meow and that’s that!


(From the upcoming “Rantings of A Mad Cow”)